Dreams and reality are now undistinguishable. I have been living the life of a sensation-monger, constantly seeking new ways to explore my deranged mind. Being broke and not having any good connections for psychotropic drugs is a bummer. When your broke and addicted to cigarettes, it doesn’t seem disgusting or depraved to prowl around outside malls or grocery stores looking for half smoked butts.
To see how much of a man you are take as much DXM and alcohol as possible and try to run your planned errands. I did this tonight and I am running back and forth from my computer to my toilet. You have to learn to love the smell of toilet water if you throw up as much as I do. One must make friends with the half digested Doritos in the toilet. The smell must be acknowledged as that of a rose, or a delicious meal that is beckoning your call from the kitchen.
My reputation in the town that I live in is completely alien to me. That is to say, I don’t know what I have or have not done. I go into bars and see girls that slap me in the face and tell me that I put my hands around their throat in some past transgression. People try to sell me paintings telling me that they have sold to me before! A very good caricature of Barrack Obama is what this man is trying to sell me, but I just wanted to compliment him on his work. I have no money, I am broke.
I feel like I have been out of town for a few years and my doppelganger came to town and caused all sorts of havoc. It is really just all the drugs I know, that have fucked up my memories. But whatever I have done, and have yet to do, I will always be a-sinnin.
When I cant think of anything to write I lay my head down on my desk and play with the loose skin around my nut sack. And then I envision a world that I could deal with in a fun way. A world where all of the funds that go towards creating weapons for the military (for killing people), instead go towards advancing technology in: space travel, feeding the homeless, and scientific studies of opening more of our brains lucid functionality.
